Are you all enjoying your Brexit benefits in the sunlit uplands?
Well Brexit turned out well didn’t it? All those Brexit benefits and a new special relationship and trade agreement with the US. It’s all sunlit uplands. As Tory MP, David Davis, the Brexit Bulldog said – the easiest deal ever… well – it wasn’t really was it? not really, in fact it been an unmitigated shitshow. More messy than Boris Johnson's haircut. Even the lumpy arse gravy that is our Brexit suporting MSM has finally acknowedged it’s an ‘undeniable disaster’. When we were expressing our misgivings in 2016, the Brexshitheads,sensing blood, called 'Remoaners' and 'Project' Fear. Well, I don’t wish to harp on about it, but we fucking told you so.
That said, you did get you blue passport, whoopyfuckingdoodlydoo! Made by the Thales group, which is Franco-Dutch. I don't suppose it's that that comfortable as a suppository – apart from the round edges but the gammon should definitely use it as one for putting us through this.
This'll make up for losing access to a huge market on our doorstep, the fact your kids can't go and live there. Your teenage child has lost the opportunity tour tour there with their band, we have no access to thier education system or scientific collaborations, our police now work on thier own you have a wait in the scum line at ports and airports and your Brexit voting parents have to move back from Spain. Oh and the fuckers who told you to vote Brexit are based in France.
Where do I even begin with this? Are you (a) somebody rich (b) somebody with an ideologically driven hatred of the EU (c) a fucking moron? If you aren’t one of the three categories above even the most previously pro-Brexit of you must see that Brexit was a clusterfuck of epic proportions.
Before I go any further, I get it if you voted leave, I really do. The EU is a corporate monster with a vision that not all of us island monkeys shared. I voted remain, not because I loved the EU, but because I could see the BREXIT we were being offered by Boris and his band of bastards was a rancid piece of shit. I mean Boris was involved FFS, that man couldn’t find his arse with two hands and a map. So if you voted leave, don't even think of blaming anyone else. You need to own this shit - you were sold a pup. A Peppa Pig in a poke.
Lets have a look at 55 Tufton Street, a Georgian pile in peasant throwing distance of the Houses of Parliament. It’s central to this, becasue ecause it’s a hub of think tanks, dark money for hedge funds shorting the pound and for the neo-liberal elite. A bit like a Tufty club for cunts: a bunch of right-wing extremists that amongst other things, put Liz Truss into No 10. It was reportedly said when they got her elected at a reception in that very building - we've go our man in number 10 now. If you want an insite into disaster capitalism at it's most base then look at her premiership of 49 days that we are all still paying for. That wasn't incompetence from the lettuce but it was designed totranfer as much public money into private hands as they could - 55 Tufton Street did that. And they'd do it again in a heartbeat. They allegedly bankrolled Farage (along with the Russians). The reason they feature so centrally in this is that wanted rid of the EU for two reasons, firstly they wanted to deregulate everything – and I mean everything. They wanted to turn us into Singapore, but without the decent street food and a decnt gin and tonic at Raffles. Secondly, the EU announced in 2014 that it was going to shut down taxation loops into offshore tax havens from 2020 to all EU members. That send the neo-liberal disaster capitalists into a tail spin. The City of London has been laundering money though offshore tax havens for years. How do you think all those Russian Oligarchs got rich? Remember it was known in these circles as Londongrad. I'm surprised Vlad hasn't launched a special mitary operation to recover it. These new rules would have shut that loophole down and all the dark money that is driving the political agenda would have to get washed somewhere else. And that would be inconvenient for the fuckers operating out of Tufton Street. That’s why they put Boris into power. So, he could put a stop to this and pull us out of the EU. Remember he said he’d get Brexit done. Well, he didn’t. All we got was we left the EU. Nothing was done and it still isn’t.
And before anyone says, well we voted for British sovereignty, no you didn’t. There was one question with two possible answers on the referendum paper, which by the way, right until the votes were counted, we were told was advisory. It was:
Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union or leave the European Union? The responses were:
1) Remain a member of the European Union
2) Leave the European Union
That’s it. No Plan. No detail. Just Boris fwa-fwa-ing around the country like a Kangaroo with love eggs up its arse, Farage squwarking, a Bloody bus with lies on it, a lot of flagshaggers in union jacks and a fuck load of lies.
So, five years on and as predicted the UK is a basket case. And before anyone counters that with hang on, we had COVID... so did everyone else. Boris and his cabal of wankspanners promised the world to get you to vote leave. And it was snake oil.
Well that ended well. The haunted Victorian pencil might well regret this claim
Why don’t we look at some of the pledges that narrowly pushed Leave over the line.
1. Trade with the EU will be tariff-free and involve minimal bureaucracy
Oh dear. We now have customs barriers, tariffs, carnets, incoterms, declarations of origin and forms, forms, forms. We have import and export declarations and a whole new industry around getting stuff from A to B. There’s also the question of a border in the Irish Sea, which the Hillbilly’s are still losing their shit over. Vote Leave also said businesses can rip up the single market rules. What really happened was if you want to send stuff to, for example, Belfast, which is in the UK, you still need to adhere to EU ules – so rather than taking back our sovereignty, we gave some up.
Boris Johnson said that the border would be “absolutely unchanged.” Well, you can still cross the border without a passport (for now). Because the Northern Ireland has this arrangement with the Republic, the border for trade is now in the Irish Sea. Five years on and the border control arrangements have still not been sorted and the Northern Irish Assembly is a pile of kaka with all the sectarian crap that the Good Friday Agreement locked up, slowly unravelling.
2. Northern Ireland border 'absolutely unchanged'
3. Take back control on immigration and asylum, and cut migration to the tens of thousands
Oh, that’s gone well hasn’t it. Downing Street implemented a points system for immigration and put a minimum income thresh-hold. This was long promised. This killed freedom of movement which led to crops not been harvested and a huge swath of NHS staff leaving the UK. Gove promised Brexit would cut immigration. All that has happened is instead of immigration coming from the EU, it’s coming from everywhere else. This has meant that all those arseholes who voted BREXIT to keep brown people out have shot themselves in the foot. Then there’s the boats (and I’m not talking Michele Mones’ cuntcanoes that we all paid for). People traffickers bringing people from France over the Channel. The French offered to put a reception centre in Calais but our Government at the time said Fuck you and to date the Labour Government hasn’t dealt with this either. And, of course, Deform UK are loving it: from their coastal strongholds, Deform UK can point at the sea and say look at that unregulated immigration when what they should be saying is look at that - we did that.
4. Britain will take back control of its fisheries
We, teh remoaners, had a sinking feeling about this. Johnson promised Britain would "take back control". It was smoke and mirrors. It didn’t mean anything. The Fuhrage was clearer in his Fishing for Leave Group saying it was about all fishing resources. There was that bizarre episode on the Thames outside Parliament where boats carrying famous people of opposing views squared off at each other. The Fishermen, of course, lost their quotas and in an ironic twist of fate that would even be lost on the likes of Alanis Morrissette, they were sold down the river.
5. £350M for the NHS instead of being sent to Brussels
Remember when Theresa May, the woman who Frankie Boyle famously said would pay full price for a DFS sofa, agreed to increase the NHS budget by £20 billion a year by 2023? That cash, that didn’t happen and wasn’t a BREXIT dividend. Meanwhile Boris stood by a bus and bullshitted. Now the NHS is on its arse and all the money that should have gone into was filtered to the Governments mates in dodgy contracts during COVID. It would be laughable if it didn't make me want to go berserk with a machete.
6. New trade deals, and access to a European trading zone 'from Iceland to Russia'
We were told that our relationship with the EU would be like our Australia style trade deal. What they didn’t say was that an Australia meant no deal. Australia operated as a most favoured nation under WTO rules. Which means we didn’t have a trade deal with it. During the referendum campaign, Gove said the U.K. would "be part of a free trade zone that extends from Iceland to the Russian border ... we would have full access to the European Market but we would be free from EU regulation." This never happened as a spokesman for EFTA, the European Free Trade Association said of the UK – “We don’t want them, [The UK], they are like "an abusive ex-partner who comes uninvited to your party, smashes the house up and pisses in the punch”. To date, the only trade deals we’ve signed have barely touched the loss of trade we had with the EU, and what have signed, for example with New Zealand, has fucked up our farmers.
Of course there were plenty of rich people who made money out of Russia anyway. Mainly in the Tory Party.
7. The UK will Continue cooperating on security issues and counter-terrorism
According to an EU document, the UK no longer has any access to EU databases such as DNA records, criminal record and passenger records. Thereby making the UK less safe. Police co-operation isn’t what it was and co-operation with Europol and Eurojust is now piecemeal. Out tory Government of bastards viewed the ECHR as a hinderance to their radical policies such as sending immigrants to Rwanda. The current opposite and thier more reactionary rich mates in Reform want to take this further, and while Starmer does nothing, we now don't have the backing of the European Court of Justice to make these wankstains calm the fuck down.
8. Financial protection for farmers who get cash from Brussels
Well, that’s all gone hasn’t it? Famers used to be well off. Remember the EU farm subsidies, the Common Agricultural Policy, the Butter Mountain etc? Brexit changed all that and the promise given to farmers that a Brexit Britain would match like for like disappeared like Boris johnson when he's emptied his sacks. Farmers are rapidly coming to the conclusion that they were sold a pig in a poke as it became quickly apparent that they weren’t going to receive the same amount of money as they do now, as Vote Leave promised. Now Starmer has gone after them with inheritance tax the Frog Faced Furhrer, Dyson and Clarkeson have wound them all up that their problem is Labour when in fact they lost their cash cow when they voted leave. The German farmers on the other hand are doing great. I wonder if there is a German word for schadenfreude?
9. Continued participation in EU science research schemes, deeper cooperation on scientific collaboration, plus increased funding for science
The U.K. pulled out of Horizon Europe program as well as Euratom Research. It is still in the Copernicus space program for now so hopefully we can help Elon Musk get to Mars on the one-way trip he so richly deserves. Other collaboration such as exchange programmes and University collaborations have been swept away. We also lost the ability for our brightest students to study science in the EU under the Erasmus scheme. Way to go. It’s probably of little impact since no fucker can afford to go to Uni now anyway.
10. Wages will be higher
You may have noticed last year half the country was on strike. Whilst these strikes have a heavy bias on terms and conditions and customer safety, the cost-of-living crisis, which has not been addressed by the Gvoernment has bit this pledge squarely on the arse. Economic forecasters said will hit U.K. GDP compared with retaining membership and they were right. Now the UK is the only member of the G7 heading into meltdown. The Chancellor Rachel Reeves appears to be totally out of her depth but in fairness she inherited an absolute shitshow.
11. The union will be stronger
Gove argued on the Andrew Marr show during the referendum: “If we vote to leave, then I think the will be stronger. Scotland would beg to differ repeated polls have shown that Scotland would vote for independence if given another referendum. Northern Ireland isn’t as solid as it once was, and Wales hated the Tory Government more than I did. Sadly Starmer is tone deaf to this as well.
12. Cut VAT on energy bills to save the average household £64 a year
Never happened. Look at the telephone number profits for energy companies and look at our energy and water bills – just fucking look at them! I’m amazed no one has gone full Luigi Magioni with one of their CEO’s over this industrial scale piss-taking.
13. Scrap VAT on sanitary products
The tampon tax was abolished on 1 January 2021. Yay! The only thing is that a vastly increased amount of women can’t afford them now even without the tax and we now have a new phrase in the English Language. Period poverty. Let's all sing Land of hope and glory and wave little plastic upside down union jack made in China by children in factories that have suicide nets on the outisde.
14. The new treaty should be ready within two years and before the next election (which was May 2020)
For the love of Shatner Brexshit is just the gift that keeps on giving isn’t it? Well ... that didn’t work out did it? Vote Leave set out a lot of bullshit in its campaign literature but this one was an industrial scale whopper.
Face it, there is no Brexshit Brucie Bonus here. The fact is we are all worse off because of Brexit. Worse off, financially, worse off because it’s now harder to travel, worse off because our food is more expensive, worse off because our laws are undermining our rights and worse off because – for all its faults – the EU reigned in the excesses of our neoliberal fucktards in Westminster. Now they have their hands permanently in the cookie jar. All this because we voted leave on a bucket load of bullshit, jam tomorrow and promises like fucking piecrust.
Brexshit – the gift that keeps on giving.
