JD Vance: stick your trade deal & your freedom of speech BS up your over pampered arse
We really are through the looking glass.
JD Vance thinks we need to 'improve' our freedom of speech laws before the UK can have the privilege, the sheer honour, of doing a trade deal with the United States, does he? Well, he can take that condescending, thinly-veiled culture war bucket of lumpy arse gravy and shove it right back where it came from, preferably alongside the rest of the populist garbage clogging up the US Republican Party.
The best appraisal of JD Vance is that he's just another right-wing reactionary in a cheap suit, cosplaying as a defender of liberty while backing book bans, abortion bans, and any other authoritarian bullshit that plays well with the MAGA crowd. The idea that this walking Fox News talking point gives a toss about actual free speech is laughable. What he really means is that Britain should roll over, let the far right vomit their bile without consequence, and call it democracy. Sorry mate, we’ve already got our own crop of swivel-eyed culture warriors trying that trick, and we don’t need an imported version.
And as for your trade deal: keep it. If it comes with strings attached demanding we let the far right spit poison without pushback, privatise the NHS, flood our markets with chlorinated chicken, and cheer while workers' rights are stripped to the bone, then it’s not a deal, it’s a hostile takeover.
This isn’t diplomacy. It’s ideological blackmail from a man who made his name pretending to be a working-class hero while licking the boots of billionaires. Vance wants a world where corporations write the rules, dissent is commodified, and anyone with a conscience is told to shut the fuck up and be grateful.
And to have the fucking sheer front to call out freedom of speech in this country when the FUSA is dismantling any freedoms that are in opposition to Trump is beyond laughable. We aren't the thick cunts that bought into MAGA over here. Use your bullshit on those that are fucked up enough to believe it.
Let's have a quick recap on the clusterfuck the Tangerine shitgibbon is presiding over:
1. Abortion Bans Tighten Further
In red states across the US, women are being legally treated like second-class citizens. Total bans, six-week bans, bans with no exception for rape or incest, this isn't freedom, it's theocratic control. JD Vance and his pals cheered as courts forced teenage girls to carry pregnancies caused by rape. Spare us the lectures on liberty, you twat.
2. Book Bans & Library Purges
From Texas to Florida, entire shelves have been cleared in schools and libraries. Books about racism? Gone. LGBTQ+ lives? Erased. Holocaust education? “Too political.” What do they call that? “Protecting kids.” What it really is? State-sponsored ignorance and censorship.
3. Trans People Under Legal Siege
Over 500 anti-trans bills have been introduced or passed in state legislatures since January alone. We're talking bans on healthcare, bans on using bathrooms, bans on participating in sports, bans on existing. This is systematic persecution. It’s not about “protecting children”—it’s about erasing people.
4. Protests Crushed & Criminalised
New laws in several states have made it easier for cops to arrest protestors and harder for citizens to speak out. Florida has a law where drivers can literally run over protestors if they feel “threatened.” First Amendment, anyone? Or does free speech not count when it’s anti-racist, pro-worker, or environmental?
5. Teachers Gagged in Classrooms
From “Don’t Say Gay” in Florida to anti-CRT hysteria in dozens of other states, educators are being gagged. They can’t teach real history. They can’t talk about gender. They can’t even mention their same-sex spouse without risking their job. That’s not a debate—it’s enforced silence.
6. Union-Busting Still Going Strong
Amazon, Starbucks, Tesla—you name it. Workers trying to organise are being harassed, fired, and surveilled. The National Labor Relations Board is overwhelmed and toothless, while billionaires keep crushing working-class organising like it’s sport. But sure, JD, let’s worry about Britain’s hate speech laws instead.
7. Voting Rights Under Attack
In Republican-run states, laws keep getting passed to make it harder to vote—especially if you’re Black, poor, or young. Shorter voting hours. Fewer ballot boxes. More ID checks. Gerrymandering that turns majority areas into minority voices. It’s electoral sabotage wrapped in the American flag.
8. Censorship of Drag, Art, and Theatre
Drag bans. LGBTQ+ theatre performances being shut down. Art being pulled from public galleries because it's “offensive to Christian values.” This isn’t about protecting decency—it’s about moral panic and straight-up authoritarianism.
But yep, tell us again how we need to fix our freedom of speech laws before your bleach odoured rotting neoliberal trade deal lands on the table. You're not a freedom fighter JD, you’re the smiling face of a cultural crusade that wants obedience, not liberty. Take your hypocrisy and your chlorinated capitalism and fuck off back to your Senate committee.
And what of the fuckers he is supporting in Reform UK Ltd?
The “freedom of speech” banner flown by the far right in the UK has nothing, and I mean nothing, whatsoever to do with any genuine commitment to liberty. It’s a hollow slogan. A fig leaf. A distraction tactic for people who want to punch down without consequence and dress it up as political bravery.
What the UK far-right really mean when they bleat about "freedom of speech" is this: they want the freedom to be bigoted, offensive, and cruel, without being called out for it. That’s it. That’s the whole game.
They’re not fighting for whistleblowers, or journalists facing lawsuits, or protesters kettled in the street. They’re not backing workers sacked for speaking out about unsafe conditions. They’re not defending the right to challenge corporate power or speak truth to actual authority.
They’re never on the side of the likes of Julian Assange, are they? Or unions. Or BLM. Or even bloody NHS campaigners trying to raise alarm bells. No, those people can go fuck themselves. According to the British right, the only speech that needs protecting is the kind that punches down: racism, transphobia, xenophobia, the “right” to mock minorities and cloak it in faux bravery.
And let’s be clear: it's not "cancel culture" when people simply disagree with you or say you're a dickhead. That’s literally how freedom of speech works. You say something, and people say something back. But the far right don’t want dialogue. They want impunity. They want consequence-free bullying. That’s why they pitch every mild criticism as a full-blown Orwellian crackdown. It’s political theatre for people who think being told they’re wrong is the same as being imprisoned.
They’re not oppressed. They’re not rebels. They’re not silenced. They’ve got massive media platforms, billionaire backers, and a cosy revolving door between right-wing punditry and Tory politics. If that’s being silenced, what the hell do they call actual dissent?
This whole thing is just a cynical ploy to repackage hate as heroism. “I’m not a racist, I’m just exercising my right to speak freely.” No, mate, you’re just a fucking racist, and you don’t like the fact people can now call you out without losing their job or social standing. That’s not tyranny. That’s accountability. Own your shit.
So the next time Nigel Farage or Laurence the TwatFox or one of those cunty GB News shitmuppets start banging on about 'freedom of speech,' remember what they really mean: the freedom to be a complete cunt without consequences. And they can fuck right off with it.
So back to JD Vance and his trade deal. We need to examine what's likely to be in the trade deal and what does the US supply to us that we can't get elsewhere? This is a question that slices through JD Vance’s sanctimonious crap like a hot knife through Brexit-grade bullshit. What’s likely to be in the mythical US-UK trade deal, and what exactly does America offer us that we can’t get elsewhere?
Spoiler alert: it’s not a fair partnership between equals. It’s a one-way street where we open our economy to every rapacious American megacorp with a legal team and a grudge against regulations.
What's likely to be in the US-UK Trade deal?
1. Agriculture: Hello Chlorinated Chicken, Hormone-Injected Beef
First stop: we’d be expected to torch our food standards. The Yanks want our markets opened to the same Frankenstein farming methods they inflict on their own population: cheap, industrialised, pesticide-heavy, and riddled with hormones. It’s not about feeding people. It’s about bulldozing British farmers and turning the UK food market into a free-for-all for Big Ag. And they'll do this with a straight face while their fifth column in Reform claim to be protecting british farmers.
2. Healthcare: The NHS on the Slab
Yes, the Americans will say the NHS is off the table, then quietly demand extended patents for US drug companies, inflated prices for medicines, and expanded access for private US health firms to grab NHS contracts. The same leeches who gutted the US healthcare system will be looking to sink their fangs into ours. They don’t want to treat patients, they want guaranteed profits.
3. Deregulation: A Race to the Bottom
Consumer protections, environmental laws, workers' rights: anything that gets in the way of corporate dominance is on the chopping block. The deal will be stuffed with 'Investor-State Dispute Settlemen' clauses, which basically allow US companies to sue our government if we pass laws they don’t like. You think we’re sovereign now? Think again.
4. Digital & Data: Silicon Valley’s Playground
Expect massive concessions to US tech firms. Data protections rolled back, digital services dominated by a handful of American giants, and the UK’s digital economy turned into a vassal state of Meta, Google, and Amazon. Your privacy? Just another bargaining chip.
5. Labour Standards: Down the Drain
They’ll say “flexibility,” but it means cutting your rights. Longer hours, fewer protections, a gig economy hell with a Stars and Stripes stuck on it. British workers would be pitted against lower US standards, with our own government grinning as it signs away basic protections.
6. Intellectual Property Clout
Longer copyrights, harsher restrictions on digital content, and tighter control over data flows. This doesn’t benefit the public, it benefits Silicon Valley giants and media conglomerates. It’s about locking down the digital commons and turning every click into a transaction.
7. Environmental Deregulation
The US oil and gas industry sees a post-Brexit UK as fertile ground for fossil fuel expansion. A deal could lock in low environmental standards and kneecap our already weak climate commitments. Drill, baby, drill: sponsored by Exxon and Chevron.
What Does the US Supply That We Can’t Get Elsewhere?
Short answer? fuck all. There is nothing uniquely American that we can’t source from elsewhere, often more ethically, affordably, or securely. Even our digital platforms that come straight from silocon valley and are at the very epicentre of all of this shite can be sourced elsewhere.
- Agriculture? We can get food from Europe, New Zealand, Australia—even grow our own if we invested properly.
- Tech? The EU, Japan, South Korea, and even our own domestic industry can supply what we need—without handing over our data to a California algorithm cult.
- Energy? LNG from the US is already on the market, but we don’t need to sign away our sovereignty to buy it.
- Culture? Already imported to the point of saturation. We don't need a trade deal to watch Netflix or listen to Taylor Swift.
- Medicine? European, Canadian, and UK pharma firms are more than capable, and at least pretend to care about patient outcomes.
What the US actually sells in a deal like this is power imbalance. They don’t trade, they dictate terms. And we’ve seen it over and over, from Mexico to Australia: once the FUSA gets its hooks in, it’s profits first, and the people can go and fuck themselves.
JD Vance is the perfect embodiment of everything rotting at the core of American politics: a fake populist who pretends to speak for the working class while serving the billionaire class with a gold-plated ladle. He’s not here to offer a fair deal, or build solidarity, or respect national sovereignty. He’s here to wave the Stars and fucking Stripes in our faces while demanding we surrender our public services, our workers’ rights, our food standards, and our democratic voice to the whims of American corporate greed.
This man isn’t a diplomat. He’s a culture war salesman, peddling snake oil to desperate audiences. When he talks about “freedom of speech,” what he means is the freedom to spew hate and face no consequences. When he talks about trade, what he means is unregulated access for US capital to loot what's left of our public sector. He doesn't want a partnership, he wants a foothold.
To be blunt: a trade deal with the United States under current Republican ideology, anti-worker, anti-women, anti-LGBTQ+, anti-environment, and pro-billionaire, is not in Britain’s national interest. It’s a Trojan horse for US multinationals to rewrite our laws, gut our institutions, and leave our public services crawling with private equity parasites. The NHS, environmental protections, food standards, digital privacy, climate policy, they'd all be fair game. And once that door is opened, good luck closing it.
The United States, as currently governed by its far-right, is not an ally of ordinary people, it is a threat to democratic norms, to international cooperation, and to any nation trying to hold onto a shred of social responsibility. Its like a whole fucking country with and ASBO. Why the hell would we tie ourselves closer to a country careening into fascism, led by people who think being called racist is worse than being racist?
So thanks but no thanks. We don't need a trade deal that demands ideological obedience, deregulation, and fealty to a bunch of God bothering Bible-thumping oil barons. And we certainly don’t need to be lectured by a smug little POS like JD Vance who made his career slandering his own roots to curry favour with tech billionaires and right-wing think tanks.
He can take his homophobic freedom-of-speech conditional trade deal, roll it up, and shove it so far up his over-pampered caboose that it pops out of his mouth next time he’s on Fox News. Britain has enough FUSA created problems, and a few home-grown without inviting a hostile, toxic, corporate-captured America to come and finish the job the Tories started.
So no, JD. We don’t need your lectures, we don’t need your sanctimony, and we sure as hell don’t need your trade deal. We’ll manage without your poisoned handout thank you very much. Jog on ya prick.
The truth is we don’t need the United States at all, and it’s about time we said it loud and clear, without the mealy-mouthed diplomatic hedging or the simpering deference of our revolving-door political class. The idea that Britain needs the FUSA is one of the biggest foreign policy delusions of the last fifty years, a dangerous fantasy peddled by Atlanticist think tanks, Thatcherite nostalgics, and Tory wets who dream of being patted on the head by the Pentagon. The cold war is over and the FUSA have gone Fash and alligned with Russia.
Here's why we absolutely do not need them:
1. They’re Not Our Economic Lifeline
The US isn’t even our biggest trading partner, that’s the EU. We trade more with Ireland than with most US states. Whatever marginal economic gains a deal with the US might bring are a drop in the bucket compared to the damage done by Brexit, and no amount of tariff-free access to Kentucky bourbon is going to reverse that. And let’s be honest, 'tariff-free' with the US just means they get access to us. We don’t export enough to them to justify bending over backwards
2. We Can Get Everything They Offer Elsewhere
Chlorinated chicken? No thanks. Hormone-pumped beef? We’ll pass. Private healthcare conglomerates? We’ve got enough of those crawling around Westminster already, cheers. Culturally, economically, even militarily, we’re not dependent on the US and to be honest they are hardly encouraging us to want closer ties. Europe, Asia, the Commonwealth: these are all regions where we can build actual partnerships, not imperial relationships disguised as trade.
3. They Export Dysfunction, Not Stability
America is not the shining beacon of freedom they think they are. It’s a country in deep decline: plagued by mass shootings, rampant inequality, broken healthcare, decaying infrastructure, political paralysis, and a far-right movement that’s openly salivating over authoritarianism. And yet they still talk to us like we’re the failed state. We don’t need to import that chaos, especially when we’ve already got enough of our own.
4. They Use Allies, They Don’t Respect Them
Being close to the US doesn’t mean partnership—it means subservience. They spy on us. They ignore us. They drag us into wars we didn’t fucking start (Iraq ring a bell?). And when the chips are down, they’ll drop us like a bad habit. Just ask the Kurds. Or Ukraine, once Trump slithered back into power.
5. The “Special Relationship” Is a Delusion
It’s not special. It’s not even particularly warm. It’s transactional, lopsided, and mostly for show. Britain is the junior partner, the eager puppy yapping at the heels of a roided-up bully. The second we stop being useful, we’re ignored. And when we are useful, it’s usually to carry their baggage in the latest forever war.
6. We're More Than America's Shadow
We’ve got brains, resources, culture, diplomacy, innovation, and we used to have principles. We don’t need to play the obedient lapdog to remain relevant. We need to find a spine, stop living in the shadow of a crumbling empire, and start acting like an independent country with its own damn interests.
7. They Think We Need Them Because We Keep Acting Like We Do
The problem isn’t the US thinking we need them, it’s our political class that keeps grovelling for approval. Every time a Tory minister trots off to Washington like a desperate ex looking for validation, we reinforce the delusion. We need to stop begging for scraps off Uncle Sam’s table and start behaving like we have some self-respect.
Final Word
We don’t need the FUSA. What we need is a functioning state, a revitalised economy, an NHS that isn’t being hollowed out, a Government that works for the country rather than back handers from think tanks and foreign states and a Prime Minister that isn’t obsessed with playing deputy sheriff in someone else’s dying empire. America can keep its poisoned trade deals, its billionaire worship, and its culture war hysteria. We are not, and never were their 51st State.
Let them clean up their fucking own mess before trying to tell us how to run our country.
